Science Fiction Novel Idea

I have been toying around with the idea for a science fiction novel based around the idea of a child being raised by wolves a la The Jungle Book. This is some of what I have written so far. It would call for some pretty serious research on genetics, but it seems like it would be a lot of fun:

Jayna balanced on the edge of the sewer catwalk, her thick woolen collar pulled over her nose. Cat-like eyes with deep brown irises and framed with coal black lashes peered over the fabric, narrowed and searching. A small orb emanated blue light, guiding her safely over the cracked concrete. All around her was the sound of water, rushing in the ravine, dripping from the ceiling. Her heightened hearing made it sound like a symphony of water sprites. It was a sound she’d heard all her life and yet it always entranced her.

Growing up in the underground tunnels had heightened all of Jayna’s senses, or perhaps they had always been heightened, she couldn’t tell. She’d lived below ground her whole life, only daring to go above once a week for sun exposure and fresh air, and then only under the strict watch of Dux.

                The story surrounding Jayna’s birth was uncertain, left with many missing facts. She’d been born, obviously, but had been in the possession of a government research group from the time of her birth to the time of her abduction. Exactly what they had intended to use her for, no one knew, especially not her guardian mother, Lila. Dux might have known, but his surly quiet kept questions at bay. He was protector only.

                Lila and Dux also lived in the research lab, two of a pack of wolves genetically enhanced by the government scientists so that they could communicate with humans telepathically. But the wild nature of the wolves could not stand the cages the calculating men and women forced them into and so they planned an escape. Again, Jayna could only ascertain vague details, but the feelings she could from Lila were red and tinged with screams. Jayna could only guess how they had managed to get by the research team.

                Lila told her that on their way to the sewers, the safest place from poachers and extreme weather conditions, they had heard her screaming. She was a pup, the closest approximation of age she could muster from the wolf minds, barely able to chew her own food and her thoughts full of abstract colors and sounds. It was the only show of pity they’d ever seen out of Dux, according to Lila. He broke into the room in which she’d been contained and grabbed the blanket wrapped around her in his scarred maw, carrying her delicately to the pack and laying her before Lila.

                “Raise her as your own.” He told her. She did not argue, or she would not. She had lost a litter of puppies while the scientists operated and she had the life-giving milk Jayna needed to survive. And she in turn gave her something to focus her mothering instinct on. She loved Lila, and she knew she loved Jayna from the warm, golden glow of her thoughts each time she spoke to her. They were their own little family within the larger community of the pack. Dux was the patriarch, his word was law. And so they searched the sewers, finally finding an old utility room that had caved in years before and making it into their nest. Fresh water flowed in from an underwater stream, no doubt the reason the roof had collapsed, but which provided them with two of their core needs, shelter and water.

                Now, she focused her senses on her surroundings, searching for any signs of alien life, anything out of the ordinary of the rushing water flowing underground or the musty draft blowing through the tunnel. Anything that may pose a threat to Jayna’s pack. She picked her way through the half crumpled sewer, jumping from broken slab of concrete to broken slab of concrete.

Searching for work with a college degree...

Growing up in a poor family, the idea of college was consistently pounded into my head as a necessity for getting out of the backwater town we lived in. And of course, college does provide that opportunity. You get to leave home, most likely for the first time, live on your own, meet people from all over the world, experience new ideas and new ways of thinking, and expand your mind. I am not the same person I was when I left for college five years ago. However, I still have the same job opportunities; zero. Unless, of course, you count the same general labor and part-time jobs anyone can aspire to. Which is honest work. I am in the process of trying to get hired on at a factory that makes car parts because I desperately need a paycheck and I'd rather have a labor job than no job at all.

But I went to college for four years, I was told repeatedly, not just by my family, but by trusted professionals and professors that I would be able to do whatever I wanted. Honestly, I should have taken those four years and worked somewhere just for the experience because I am quickly learning that experience is invaluable. And apparently my three years of work study experience does not count for anything. I have already been turned down for two jobs because of my lack of experience, never mind my academic accomplishments, and I haven't bothered applying to countless jobs because they list two to four years experience with management as essential.

"Why not apply for entry level jobs?" You may be asking. These had "Entry Level" in the job description, right above the "two to four years experience required."

It's tough out there. I wasn't in any clubs in college because I worked at my work study, focused on just graduating, and helped take care of my sick grandfather before he passed in 2011. After that I experienced severe depression, was suicidal and had to receive therapy and take medications. I am a lot better now, I still have bad days, especially thanks to the incredibly stressful and competitive search for a job.

I am lucky enough that my uncle used to edit resumes and went over mine. At least I have a professional resume. That can't hurt. But everyday I am more and more convinced I may have to move out of state to find a job. In Kentucky, there are hundreds of listings for farm hands. Very, very few other types of jobs, except for the national guard, coal mining (which is dying out in Kentucky as it moves farther east and deeper into the Appalachian Mountains), or government jobs which are almost cut throat competitive and it really helps to know someone on the inside.

I have been tossing around the idea of building a CV, just in case I come across a job that asks for one. Since I was an English major, I think a CV might better explain my college experience, I mean, I think employers would really like the fact that I took an upper level professional writing course but there is no place for that on a resume. I really, really wish Morehead State University had offered a grant writing course. We had a speaker in my senior seminar who talked about the growing need for grant writers as funding is increasingly cut back. If the course is offered at a university near you, I strongly urge you to take it. If one ever becomes available at MSU or if I move closer to a university which offers one you can be sure I will be doling out the tuition to take it.

I've also been really tempted to go back to school and just work on my master's. I'm not entirely convinced it would help me in my job search because I still hold that EXPERIENCE IS INVALUABLE. But if I come up on the next semester with no job, you may very well see me enrolled in a program somewhere.

Job hunting is just so...complicated. It's like, there is an age old ritual to it that almost seems outdated. You send in your resume, they review it, determine whether you would make a good employee based on a piece of paper with only facts, no personality, no knowledge of potential, just a piece of paper that says where you've worked and whether or not you graduated high school/college. Then they call you in and interview you based on asinine questions of, "WHY do you want to work here?" or "What do you feel your weaknesses are?" I mean, that is no way to evaluate someone? But they have what you need so you spin. You say what they want to hear, they say what you want to hear, unless they turn you down, and then you start working for them and nothing is like what they said it would be, on both ends.

Maybe once I get a job I won't be so bitter. But until then, it is just frustrating and overly complicated. My advice, build the cleanest, most professional looking resume/CV possible, join a club in college and actively participate, pick up a part-time job and try to work your way to management, and basically say goodbye to any down time for the next four years. But four years of suffering now makes for an easier hiring process later and a more connected and enhanced social network. Don't be like me and spend your four years writing fantasy novels and crying yourself to sleep because you lost a valued loved one. Employers don't like for their employees to be human.

Split it down the middle...

Since I graduated in May I haven't really been able to wrap my head around the whole prospect of being an adult and getting some office job that I secretly, or openly, hate. I know I have to and I am in the process of applying to said jobs, because honestly I am so beyond broke it isn't even funny. Well, maybe it is a little funny. Lucky for me though, my siblings are generous enough to help me out until I can get on my feet. And for the moment I am just sitting here, typing this and watching the last few episodes of Firefly which, unfortunately, I had never seen until now. And it is amazing. It is seriously the space Western I never knew I was waiting for. Except for maybe Cowboy Bebop. Or Outlaw Star. I always get those two mixed up since it's been over 10 years since I watched both. Maybe while I have time I can watch them and get my references right, for once.

I'm noticing while watching Firefly how adorable Kaylee looks with her middle hair part and I am super jealous. I have a similar face shape but there is no way I could pull a middle part off without looking like a chipmunk smuggling nuts out of a grocery store. Which I have to battle enough with a side part. Most people who do the middle part end up looking like they stepped out of a Life spread from the 70's. It's a sketchy idea, that middle part. Works well when it does, does not work at all when it doesn't.

I suppose this post was pointless. Just really itching to write lately and all my creative ideas sort of go away whenever I try to articulate them. So I am just left with these disjointed bits of thought to share. I did have something I wanted to write specifically but I have already forgotten because, as I typed before, I am also watching Firefly and I am on episode 12 and I know it ends after only two more episodes and the movie. Such a good show, great writing, acting, the chemistry between the crew members is tangible and a joy to watch. Why did they ever cancel this show?! I mean, Even Teen Mom got like, 4 or 5 seasons and it celebrated teen pregnancy on a nauseating level. But this show, which shows strong female characters and honorable rogue gentlemen along with smart storytelling and an interesting and well-built world, this show gets cancelled after one season and pretty much screwed over when Fox decided to finally rerun it afterwards, showing it out of order. Ridiculous. It's the same thing as Kyle XY. A great sci-fi show, with decent actors, albeit not quite on par with Nathan Fillion, but what they lacked in formal training they certainly made up for in an obvious interest in the show and a desire to portray these characters the best way they knew how. And then horrifically acted shows on the Disney channel go on and on and on. I mean, Dog with a Blog? What? Who even thought that up? The mere idea of that should have gotten that person fired.

Maybe next time I will post something useful, maybe I'll discover a new recipe or cleaning secret or I'll finally buckle down and commit to giving creative writing advice, since I did minor in Creative Writing at university. More than likely however, it'll just be more of this. With the exception of a rant.

Last night I remembered why I am a Democrat...

Felt like I was being suffocated by a baby elephant last night and kept having weird spasms in my face and right arm that kept me up until 5 am. No point in going to the doctor. They'll just recommend more tests I can't afford. Oh, Canada, how I wish we had your health care system.:( Unfortunately here in 'Merica we only believe those with high incomes should be able to afford health care even though I work harder than a good percentage of those high income citizens and have more to offer this country if I could only be given the chance. Dear Romney doesn't want to give me that chance. He wants to push the poor down and close the door on them and only help the wealthy. If he becomes President any hope of me obtaining affordable health care will go out the window since he will be giving insurance companies full reign over pricing and who gets what coverage, including impending on my right to receive birth control at my discretion. I will not be able to escape poverty if a capitalism driven Republican takes office. And that is hardly what we would consider the American dream.

I have been having these pains in my right arm for weeks now as well as becoming extremely light headed and on several occasions almost passing out. It scares me and infuriates me that I am so hesitant to seek medical attention since I am already over 5 thousand dollars in medical debt, am a full-time college student with a 3.2 GPA and trying to help my low income mother and grandmother who have slaved away their entire lives just to achieve the small amount of independence they have, we own about an acre of land in the country but even that has been mortgaged.

To me, this election is coming down to two things, human rights and money. President Obama is not completely innocent. He is a politician. However, in watching the two candidates prioritize their arguments during the debate, Romney repeatedly turns to monetary issues, steering away from questions about women's health and others while Obama is only too happy and willing to approach those subjects with as much enthusiasm as issues of budget.

I am a Christian and a lot of my personal views would be considered traditional. I am pro-Life. I am. But I will not enforce my views on other women because I do not want their views enforced on me. Treats others as you would be treated. Oh wait, isn't that a Biblical idea? Yea, I think it is. A lot of what Jesus said would be considered liberal when taken in context. Jesus was not about monetary gain. He told us to love everyone and forgive those who trespass against us. He told us not to point out the speck in someone else's eye when there is a log in our own. I am not a judge. I figure I'll leave that up to God. But I do love people and I do not want to see anyone suffer as a result of our close-minded, backwards, money hungry government. There are more important things in life. Like education, equality for ALL, feeding the hungry, and making sure everyone has the same access to medical care, not just those with insurance. I have known doctors who refuse to see anyone uninsured, who turn out sick before they are better because they cannot afford the bed they are laying in. THAT is a sin. THAT is wrong. THAT I can judge. Our priorities as a nation are so screwed up. I am glad that President Obama is in office, I hope he stays for another four years. His policies are as close to humanitarian as we'll get, and we need a President who understands those human needs of this nation. He has my vote because he recognizes me as human being with needs instead of a dollar sign.

Making a Comeback

Wow, I can't believe it's been over a year since I last posted. I had high hopes for this blog. I had planned to use it as a platform to practice my writing, to share my insights, and as an emotional outlet. But, unfortunately, life doesn't care about your plans. How cliche, right? Yeah, I know. But often cliches say it best. My grandfather passed away August of last year and before that I had some physical and mental health issues. I was also suicidal. I had begun seeing a counselor who placed me on antidepressants when I learned that my grandfather had died. It was peaceful. He went out like he was falling asleep. But it still decimated me. I was on antidepressants and oxycodone, for pain for the health issue which is still undiagnosed but which I suspect to be poly cystic ovarian syndrome but because of my lack of insurance I am unable to verify. Everything was from my grandfather's death on is a blur. In fact, until the last few weeks I have not even felt alive. I've been immersed in this foggy reality, half existing, not caring about anything or anyone.

I have been severely depressed for over a year now, but with treatment and medication I have reached a level of understanding about myself and about life. I have to stop living for others, seeking their approval. I have to find out who I am and embrace it. I have to learn to love myself with no conditions instead of letting people enforce on me their conditions for my self-worth. I am a senior in college and this is my time to figure some important things out. Because when I am thrown out into the real world, there won't be any more opportunities to learn these things about myself. To learn to be comfortable in my own skin and in my own views.

Three and a half years ago someone I loved and trusted told me I needed to lose weight, as if my losing weight had anything and everything to do with how they perceived and felt about me. And for three and a half years I have looked in the mirror and hated every inch of myself for verifying what he said. I carved "FAT" into my stomach because I needed a physical representation of how badly his words had hurt me.

But I'm done with hurting and hiding. I am done with people telling me how to think and what to believe and what to do. I am done seeing myself as anything other than someone worth fighting for. I am going to forgive those who've hurt me, apologize to those I've hurt and get rid of those who persist in belittling my emotions and unique thoughts. And I am going to let go of the pain that has been dragging me under for far too long.

I'm making a comeback.

Magic Beyond Words

I just finished watching Magic Beyond Words: The J.K. Rowling Story and I am still in shock. It has inspired me exponentially that I'm not even sure I can put it into words. I have always loved J.K. Rowling and the Harry Potter series. She is one of my biggest literary influences beside Louisa May Alcott and Meg Cabot. But I had no idea her story, her true story, would impact me this much.

She overcame her mother's illness, an abusive husband, poverty, stereotypes, writer's block (to say the least)! She is so strong and driven and I aspire to be just like her now. She's my hero. She's amazing.

I know that the movie is not 100% factual and its creators may have taken some creative license, but the emotion behind the movie is real. The inspiration is still there. And you don't even have to want to be a writer to admire her. She stood firm in her beliefs. She had conviction. She didn't let fear keep her from doing what she really wanted. She is an example to us all to follow our dreams, don't listen to those who try to hold you back.

I was so inspired by her tonight. As I was watching the movie I was thinking, look at what she overcame! I can do that to! My circumstances and my past don't have to hold me back anymore, I can break those binds and fly away through my writing. And maybe, like J.K. Rowling, my past can help me mold my own future.

I've never been so affected by somebody's story as I was by hers.

Poetry Post: Grandpa

You held my hand when I was a child,

you could always make me smile

and when you’re gone

I don’t know how I’ll move on.

Your voice resonates inside my heart.

You were with me from the start

With stories to tell of a life lived well.

Some days only you could break my shell

I wish I could tell you what I mean

and everything you’ve done for me.

Hopeless I came to you, fatherless,

you saw the good in the oppressed.

A greater man I’ll never know,

not Kings or learned men, just a John Doe

who saw the light in daily life,

who changed my world amid the lies.

One day when I have a son,

I’ll tell him of the very one

who’s name he carries with pride,

of that beloved man who lives inside.

2011 (c) Evelyn E. Gaerke